Overheard on the way out to the car after work
Scene: Two men in their thirties walking out of work. I'm walking nearby.
Guy 1: How's it going.
Guy 2: Alright. I've got tomorrow off, so...
Guy 1: Long weekend?
Guy 2: I've got a wedding to go to in New Hampshire.
Guy 1: Open bar, I hope. Ha ha ha.
Guy 2: Yeah, ha ha ha. I just hope it doesn't give my girlfriend any "ideas."
Guy 1: Yeah, no kidding. That'll ruin a good time.
Guys together: Ha ha ha.
Me, furious: Well, that's what I like to hear!
The guys paid no heed to my snarky commentary. In fact, I don't think they even heard it.
And that is the difference between me and many other people (who are usually male). I cannot even imagine dating more than a few times any person I wouldn't want to someday marry. That is likely why I was singlerius maximus until the advanced age of 30 and previous to that basically went on a series of first and second dates. The very moment I realized that a person did not have any long-term potential, I excused myself (and assigned them a name for future mockery).
I was made so angry by the overheard conversation that I was sullen and introspective on the way home and had to force myself to make casual small talk in the carpool so as not to seem like I was ruminating, which, of course, I was.
It makes me sad (in addition to furious) to hear men talk about women like that, like they're handy to keep around and fuck (surely), but not on any kind of permanent basis.
I can't say anything more about this unless I want to fire up my fury all over again.
Guy 1: How's it going.
Guy 2: Alright. I've got tomorrow off, so...
Guy 1: Long weekend?
Guy 2: I've got a wedding to go to in New Hampshire.
Guy 1: Open bar, I hope. Ha ha ha.
Guy 2: Yeah, ha ha ha. I just hope it doesn't give my girlfriend any "ideas."
Guy 1: Yeah, no kidding. That'll ruin a good time.
Guys together: Ha ha ha.
Me, furious: Well, that's what I like to hear!
The guys paid no heed to my snarky commentary. In fact, I don't think they even heard it.
And that is the difference between me and many other people (who are usually male). I cannot even imagine dating more than a few times any person I wouldn't want to someday marry. That is likely why I was singlerius maximus until the advanced age of 30 and previous to that basically went on a series of first and second dates. The very moment I realized that a person did not have any long-term potential, I excused myself (and assigned them a name for future mockery).
I was made so angry by the overheard conversation that I was sullen and introspective on the way home and had to force myself to make casual small talk in the carpool so as not to seem like I was ruminating, which, of course, I was.
It makes me sad (in addition to furious) to hear men talk about women like that, like they're handy to keep around and fuck (surely), but not on any kind of permanent basis.
I can't say anything more about this unless I want to fire up my fury all over again.
posted by Jennifer Myszkowski at
8:40 PM
3 Comments:
Yea, I honestly can identify with your sentiment. That guy was me actually, and I find it funny that such obvious banal small talk evoked such a poingnant response from you.
I agree that the objectification of women is something that is pervasive in men my age, and that it is undesirable to be the perpetual bachelor with a string of casual relationships.
Maturing is a process that men often have difficulty with, and I am no exception. Commitment is a big step, along with starting a career, possibly a family, and assuming the traditional gender role imparted on men.
What you saw was a facade, that is used to cover those fears and project the idea of male ego amongst other men. If it offended you I offer a sincere apology.
I'm amused that I learned of this blog through my girlfriend, who happened to stumble upon it. She found it quite funny, as she knows that what may have been said was merely pointless chatter.
For the record, we had a lovely time in New Hampshire, and the future looks pretty good for us.
Sincerely,
Guy 1
To be honest, I've read and re-read this blog entry and I still don't get what was offensive about what either guy said; nor do I get how the girlfriend was "objectified" in the course of the conversation.
Joe:
That's probably because you are not a lady. Also, you are not inside my head. Lucky you.
Anonymous:
Thank you for your extremely thoughtful comment. You were under no obligation to say anything here and you basically hit it out of the park.
I guess what really bothers me is that American society has bred a bunch of fellows who want to be in reciprocal loving relationships, but only in secret. Why are some people so opposed to the idea of someone liking them enough to want to keep them forever? Why does the idea of being kept forever make some people want to publicly disparage the very people who want to keep forever them? What is wrong with our society? I just don’t get it.
And like I said in my response, this wasn’t about you as much as it was about me. I’m nuts a little bit when it comes to this stuff.
Thanks again.
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